...of surveys!

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
My closet doesn't have doors.  

2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Of course, along with the soap.  And toilet paper.  And alarm clock.  And sheets.  And bed.

3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
I can't remember the last time I even made my bed.

4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Can't say that I have.  How does one steal a street sign anyway?

5:Do you like to use post-it notes?
Not for their intended purpose.

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I have before but it's not something I do frequently.

7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Either are better than a big bear with bees in his mouth.

8:Do you have freckles?
Nope

9:Do you always smile for pictures?
I give a "one finger salute" in lieu of a smile.

10:What is your biggest pet peeve?
Have to agree with @emily_shannon with the whole "when I was your age" thing.

11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
I don't know how to count.

12:Have you ever peed in the woods?
Of course.  Good times.

13:What about pooped in the woods?
Of course.  Not so good times.

14:Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Only in public.

15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?
It's been awhile.

16:How many people have you slept with this week?
...*sniff*

17:What size is your bed?
Big enough for an orgy.

18:What is your song of the week?
I Lost on Jeopardy by Weird Al Yanovic.

19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Real men wear pink.

20:Do you still watch cartoons?
That's mostly what I watch.

21:Whats your least favorite movie?
Cloverfield.  It's a monster movie where they really don't show much of the monster.  What's the point?

22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Wouldn't you like to know?

23:What do you drink with dinner?
Usually some random carbonated beverage.

24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Why would I ruin a perfectly good chicken nugget by dipping it in something?

25:What is your favorite food?
Pizza.

26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
I don't know of any that I could watch over and over again.

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?
@carolinavenger

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I used to be a long time ago.

29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Considering that the internet has pretty much replaced magazines, I don't think it would matter either way.

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Some time last year.

31:Can you change the oil on a car?
Sadly I cannot.

32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
That was not one of my finer moments.

33:Ever ran out of gas?
I never seem to run out of gas...

34:Favorite kind of sandwich?
Chicken Parm.

35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Cheeseburgers.

36:What is your usual bedtime?
Way too late.

37:Are you lazy?
I don't feel like answering this question.  Too much work.

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
@Rob_of_the_Sky
 
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Awesome!

40:How many languages can you speak?
El Ziltcho.

41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
People still subscribe to magazines?

42:Which are better Lego or Lincoln Logs?
I never played with Lincoln Logs, so I'll go with Lego.

43:Are you stubborn?
I'm not stubborn.  This survey is the one who's stubborn, dammit!

44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
I used to like Leno until that whole mess with The Jay Leno Show and then getting Conan kicked off his show.

45:Ever watch soap operas?
They seem boring to me.

46:Are you afraid of heights?
Not really.

47:Do you sing in the car?
Only when girlfriend isn't around.  She hates my singing.

48:Do you sing in the shower?
If by "sing" you mean "pee", then yes.

49:Do you dance in the car?
Only while I'm driving.

50:Ever used a gun?
It's been a long time, but yeah.

51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
The last time I can recall is high school senior pics.  This was almost 10 years ago.

52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Most of em are.

53:Is Christmas stressful?
The shopping is.

54:Ever eat a pierogi?
Never heard of it.

55:Favorite type of fruit pie?
Does chocolate count as a fruit?

56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Dinosaur.

57:Do you believe in ghosts?
Can't say that I do.

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Can't say that I do...wait, what?

59:Take a vitamin daily?
Yup.

60:Wear slippers?
Nope.

61:Wear a bath robe?
Nope.

62:What do you wear to bed?
My undies.

63:First concert?
I have no idea.

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target

65:Nike or Adidas?
Neither.

66:Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos.  Fritos are jealous that they can't be Cheetos.  Why do a lot of snacks end in "os"?

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts.

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Who?

69:Ever take dance lessons?
Naw, I'd rather make myself look like an ass when I dance.

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Cowboy Astronaut Millionaire.

71:Can you curl your tongue?
Yup.

72:Ever won a spelling bee?
The best I ever did was third and only the top two got to move on to the next round.

73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes.

74:Own any record albums?
Not yet.  I'll get my dad's records one day.

75:Own a record player?
See previous question.

76:Regularly burn incense?
Never done it before.

77:Ever been in love?
Yup.

78:Who would you like to see in concert?
Weird Al Yankovic.

79:What was the last concert you saw?
I think it may have been Guster back in 2008.

80:Hot tea or cold tea?
No thanks

81:Tea or coffee?
Coke.

82:Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles?
Yes please.

83:Can you swim well?
I could if the occasion called for it.

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yeah.

85:Are you patient?
Is this survey over with already?

86:DJ or band at a wedding?
DJ.

87:Ever won a contest?
Of course.

88:Ever have plastic surgery?
Can't sat that I have.  My plastic doesn't need surgery.

89:Which are better black or green olives?
Neither.

90:Can you knit or crochet?
That's not something I know how to do.

91:Best room for a fireplace?
The fireplace room.

92:Do you want to get married?
Eventually, when the time is right.

93:If married, how long have you been married?
I'm not married.

94:Who was your high school crush?
I had too many to count.  It was better that they remained just crushes anyway.

95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No because I'm not a spoiled brat.

96:Do you have kids?
I don't even have any four-legged kids.

97:Do you want kids?
Nope.

98:Whats your favorite color?
Red.

99:Do you miss anyone right now?
We all know who I miss.

100: How tall are you?
6'

...so here's a survey I stole from @xdeelynnx.

• I am listening...to the sounds around me.
• I talk about...things that nobody else really cares about.
• My best friend...is @carolinavenger.
• My first real kiss...heh heh heh.
• I love...we all know who.
• I lost...my mind and I can't seem to find it.
• I have come to realize...that my minds is gone forever.
• I hate it when people...tell me I should wear pants in public.
• Love is...something that Foreigner wanted to know what it was.
• Somewhere, someone is thinking...., but that person is not me.
• Marriage is...a ball 'n chain.
• I'll always know...things, well until I forget anyway.
• I have a secret crush on...it wouldn't be a secret if I told you.
• The last time I cried was...thanks to football in the groin.
• My cell phone...is a low end Android and complete waste of money.
• The moment I wake up...I slowly work my way outta bed.
• Before I go to sleep...I try to sleep, but fail.
• Right now I am thinking about...I don't think.
• Babies are....in the stage of life before toddlers.
• Today, I...am updating Xanga.
• Tonight, I...will wait for my comments.
• Tomorrow I...will timestamp this post.
• I really want to have...a winning lottery ticket.
• I am...Rob of the Sky, duh.

...

     Last time on Rob of the Sky's Xanga Site, Rob of the Sky wrote the next great American novel that received universal acclaim from critics everywhere.  This novel pointed out the meaning of existence, something that had plagued the greatest minds for centuries.  This novel also pointed out the correct religion, which has lead to total world peace for the first time in the history of humanity.  Ok, you caught me in a lie.  Last time on this site I wrote a bunch of bullshit about flying but left it in a cliffhanger.  So as promised I will conclude the post...now.

     While the airport is a very important area in the flying process, the airplane is a much more significant part in this process.  After all, it is the airplane which takes one from point A to point B, with a possible point C if there is engine trouble or a potential bomb on board or if the pilot is hungover and just realized that he faked a suicide on a blogging site.  Anyway, the airplane itself has a method to its madness (much like the airport) which is thus:

1. Boarding - After presenting your boarding pass and walking through that corridor onto your plane, you have to locate your seat and put your carry on in the storage space above the seat.  This is made more difficult by the fact that there are a bunch of other people wanting to do the same thing and that the aisles on a plane are rather narrow.  This creates a bit of traffic on the plane, which in turn creates grumpy passengers.  Once you find your row, you have to find out which seat is yours.  There are usually three seats in a row: the window seat, where you can look out the window during the flight and see the world from several miles up; the aisle seat, which can be useful on longer flights as it's the easiest of the three seats to get to the bathroom from; and the middle seat, which is the worst of the three seats in the row and is the seat that nobody in their right mind would want.  Unlike Rebecca Black, you don't decide which seat to take as it is usually assigned to you.  Anyway, once you've found your seat and stored your carry on bag, then it's time to buckle up and prepare for take-off.
2. Take-off - Once everyone is seated and the time to depart has arrived, The plane will begin the take-off process.  The plane spends a good bit of time rolling around on the tarmac until it can get to the area where it can pick up speed and fly into the sky.  During this time, the flight attendants will go over the emergency procedures in a overly excited and exaggerated manner.  These emergency procedures have never changed at all, so if you've ever flown before then you know all about them.  Also during this time, electronic items are not to be on as they might interfere with the plane's radio communications and such.  For those of us who are addicted to constant electronic stimulation, which is anyone who isn't Amish, this can lead to boredom and can be really annoying if you're near a crying baby who is being ignored by the mother.  Once the plane actually takes-off into the air, your ears may pop which can also be annoying and maybe even painful.
3. Snack Time - Once the plane is fully in the air and the pilot, Captain What's-His-Face, says you can turn on your electronics, the flight attendants will go up and down the aisle to hand out soft drinks and an overly salted snack.  The snack is usually a crappy bag of something like peanuts, trail mix, or pretzels and the drinks usually include water, juices, and carbonated beverages.  They will also sell crappy beer and crappy food that's the butt of bad comedians' jokes for prices that are way too high.  After all the overpriced crap at the airport, who can afford such overpriced food and drink?
4. Entertainment - Depending on the flight, you may be on the plane for a few hours.  You'll need something to occupy your time.  The airline usually leaves a couple of magazines in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of you.  One of these magazines is the airline's publication, which has random articles about places that the airline goes.  The other magazine that most airlines leave is Skymall, which is a catalogue of overpriced crap that you don't need and would never want.  Seriously, does anyone ever order anything from Skymall?  Anyway, some flights also have music you can listen to with a set of headphones.  The problem with this is that they play the same six songs over and over and over again and they usually aren't any good to begin with.  Some flights also play a crappy movie from several years ago that got no critical acclaim at all.  Hopefully you bring plenty of entertainment with you, because the entertainment on the plane pretty much sucks.
5. Landing - When the plane gets close to its destination, the flight attendants will instruct you to put your tray tables up and make sure that your seat is in a full upright position.  Also, they'll make you turn off your electronic items for the same reason that you had to turn them off for take-off.  While the plane lands, your ears may pop, which can be annoying and/or painful.  When the plane hits the ground, it'll make a slight screeching sound that can also be slightly annoying.  After the plane hits the ground, it finds its way to the proper terminal gate.  Once it comes to a complete stop, you can collect your carry on and exit the plane in a haphazard and non-orderly fashion.  Pretty much everyone wants to be the first off because airplane rides can be tiring and uncomfortable.  Once you exit the plane and enter the airport, then it's a matter of making that long hike from the terminal gate to baggage claim to pick up your checked luggage.  From there, you find your ride and leave the airport and finally relax.

    So I hope you enjoyed this two-part guide.  That's all I have for now.  Until next time, remember to put your tray table up and make sure your seat is in a full upright position.

     Seven years ago today, February 8, 2005, in a bout of procrastination and lack of motivation for studying for a chemistry exam the next day, I created this Xanga site.  Little did I know that I would still be here seven years later writing a post about that night.  A lot has changed since I started this site, as I have went from college freshmen to college sophomore, junior, senior, and finally graduate.  This site and its community have been with me through thick and thin, and it has become a non-insignificant part of my life now.  I even found my first love on here, and we're just hours away from seeing each other once again.  I've come a long way from being a lazy college freshmen starting up a Xanga site, and yet I'm still here after all these years.  Here's to hopefully another seven years!

...When you've heard this sound:

     Yes, it's the classic losing horn from the Price is Right.  When you hear this, it means that you didn't win the car but instead you win a bunch of Turtle Wax.  Yes, you might not be driving around in a brand new car, but at least your piece of shit old car looks new.  Of course, a polished turd is still a turd.  Anyway, I think life would be so much better if the losing horn applied to real life situations.  Here are some situations where I think the losing horn would be appropriate:

• You run late for work and get fired
• You're hungover on test day
• You ask your crush out but end up getting friend zoned
• The kid in front of you in the lunch line gets the last slice of pizza, and the only other option is gruel
• Football in the groin
• You're on the final level in a video game but your system craps out and loses all your progress
• Justin Bieber comes on the radio
• That jerk at work that everyone hates gets a promotion and becomes the new boss
• You bet on a team that gets blown out
• You're on a team that gets blown out
• The TSA randomly selects you for extra screening
• The numbers that you play every week in the lottery come up the one week you don't play
• You die on the first Goomba in Super Mario Bros.
• You game over on the first Goomba in Super Mario Bros.
• Your favorite show is cancelled and is replaced with another crappy celebrity nepotism reality show
• You just finish applying Turtle Wax on your car and then it dies
• You lose a pricing game on The Price is Right

     These are just a few of the many instances where the Price is Right losing horn can be used.  Can you think of any?  If so, feel free to leave your ideas in the comments.  Well, that's all I have for now.  Until next time, remember these inspiring words from the Pokemon movie: Pika Pika, Pikachu.

It allows me to get praise for everything I do, no matter how much I half-ass anything on here!

I just half-assed a blog post!  Yay for featured questions!

The holiday season can be a wonderful time, with all of the presents, the eggnog, the present, the cookies, and the presents. However, there are a few downsides to this time of year. One of the main downsides is seeing crazy extended family that only comes around once a year. While it's good to catch up on what various family members have been doing since last Christmas, after five minutes certain family members get old. When that happens, there are some things you can do: 

1. Watch TV - Christmas time is known for holiday specials that are cheesey and lame. Many of these specials come on year after year and we've all seen those specials. Yet, watching Charlie Brown choosing that puny Christmas tree is a nice escape to Aunt Bob's inane rants about everything that's wrong with every generation but hers. 
2. Step Outside for a Smoke - You need not actually be a smoker to step out for a smoke, though some relatives could drive one to smoke. You can just claim that you're stepping out for a smoke and stand outside for a few minutes. By a "few minutes", I mean several hours. Bring a jacket. 
3. Alcohol - If you can't leave the room, but you still need an escape from Uncle Sue's crappy slideshow from his vacation to the world's largest duct tape ball, then alcohol becomes your friend. There's a reason why eggnog is popular this time of year, and it isn't entirely due to that sweet, sweet taste. The right type of eggnog can allow one to get drunk enough to no longer care about the crappy slide show that's being shown. 
4. If You Can't Beat Em, Join Em - If you don't have any eggnog or booze or NyQuil to help get you drunk, and you can't escape, then you're left with only one recourse: out crazy the crazy. If a relative is on a political rant, rant harder about the opposite viewpoint. If a relative is telling a lame story, tell them it sucks and tell an even worse story. If a relative is Charlie Sheen, then you're screwed because you can't out crazy him. If you're lucky, you may out crazy your relatives enough that you'll never see them again. That's what I call success. 

So there are some tips for dealing with crazy relatives. Hopefully your relatives don't drive you too crazy this Christmas, but if they do, at least you won't have to see them for another year.

     Earlier today I was reading an article on Datingish (because I'm a masochist) about how long distance relationships don't work.  Obviously, I disagreed with the assessment, but what really got my attention was the title of said post.  The title questioned whether or not ldrs are real or not, and then went on about how they don't work because the one the author was in didn't work out.  Now, I don't think anyone would say that non-long distance relationships aren't real because they don't always work out.  Usually when a couple that lived near each other breaks up, they don't blame it on the notion of a relationship and say that relationships aren't real, but rather they usually blame it on themselves or the other one.  However, I've seen many of people blame the notion of long distance relationships for the reason why theirs fail.  I don't see how a long distance relationship is really all that different than any other relationship.  All relationships need commitment to survive, and it takes hard work to make them last.  Long distance relationships can be even harder because the distance means lack of physical touch.  That can be a deal breaker for some people, but not for everyone.  There have been many successful ldrs, especially since the rise of the internet and the ease of meeting and communicating with people all over the world.  So yes, long distance relationships are real.  I should know, I'm currently in one and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

     As long as there has been an internet, there has been people selling research papers to lazy students all over the world.  Now, I was a lazy student, but instead of buying a research paper off of the internet with money I didn't have, I went the old school route of getting bad grades and failing out of college 2 or 3...thousand times.  I did graduate, however, as with graduation comes two things: 1. a piece of paper with my name on it and 2. thousands in student loan debt.  Having all of this student loan debt makes me seek out alternate forms of income.  Seeing a lucrative market in writing research papers, I decided to do that for extra money.  Now, I'm sure many of you are interested in using my services, so I have provided samples of my work for those interested:

English:

     Charles Dickens was an English author.  Despite what I thought at first, his name does not mean that he was a porn star and there is no porn in his works.  I was disappointed with the lack of boobs when reading his most popular work, A Christmas Carol.  Instead, a Christmas Carol is a story about Scrooge McDuck making his nephews, Huey, Lewis, and The News, work on Christmas Day while he swims in his pool of gold coins.  McDuck is then visited by three ghosts, which were Casper the friendly ghost, Space Ghost, and Blinky from Pac-Man.  These ghosts helped McDuck solve all the mysteries of life, like why Casper looks like Richie Rich, why Space Ghost looks like Birdman, and why Clyde from Pac-Man looks like Sue from Ms. Pac-Man.  In the end, everyone lived happily ever after.  The end.

Geography:

     Uzebeki-beki-beki-stan-stan is a country somewhere overseas.  Contrary to popular belief, Uzebeki-beki-beki-stan-stan does not have a president, but instead it has a Supreme Overlord named Dick Balzac.  Despite what I thought at first, his name does not mean that he is a porn star, but instead he is a bloodthirsty murderer who clubs baby seals and Seal the musician just for the hell of it.  Its capital is, oddly enough, Uzebeki-beki-beki-stan-stan City and its main exports are oil, terrorists, and tacos.  It has been at war with neighboring Pakiman-stan for the past 300 years over possession of Power Pellets.  Pakiman-stan's president, John Pacman, uses Power Pellets to eat the terrorist ghosts of Uebeki-beki-beki-stan-stan, which infuriates the Uzebeki-beki-beki-stan-stanians to no end.  The name Uebeki-beki-beki-stan-stan is Uebeki-beki-beki-stan-stanian for "Herman Cain is an idiot".

Biology:

     Evolution is the notion that humans come from apes.  Many people do not believe that evolution exists because they think that the link between humans and apes is missing.  However, scientists have found that missing link in the middle of the Eastern seaboard of the United States.  They've even come up with a name for this missing link: Congress.

Health:

    Drugs and alcohol are bad.

Sex Ed:

     Sex is bad.

History:

     World War VII was a costly and bloody war fought mostly between America and Alabama over the limited supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Alabama wanted all of the PBR for itself, and America was hogging much of it for hipsters to drink ironically.  The war got ugly when Alabama enlisted the help of Pokeman-stan to help bomb America.  America responded with its most powerful weapon: The Situation's comedy show.  After 3 seconds of that pitiful performance, everyone in Alabama jumped into the Gulf of Mexico and committed suicide.  Many people considered that torture, with several psychologists stating that it was the only reason that suicide was the answer.  However, America won WWVII by default and got to keep its crappy PBR that it didn't even really want in the first place.

International Affairs:

     Every nation wants to be important on an international level.  There are many standards that measure how important a nation is, but the main standard to determine which nations are important on an international level is to determine if Bill Clinton had an affair in that nation.  Every important nation has had Bill Clinton have an affair in it.  Sadly, having Herman Cain have an affair in a nation means that the nation is unimportant on an international level, and having both Clinton and Cain have an affair in a nation leads to total worldwide doom.

Music Theory:

     Weird Al Yankovic is a musician known for his parodies of other songs.  Despite graduating first in his class at MIT and doing calculus for fun, he still lost on Jeopardy to a plumber and an architect, though both of them had PhDs.  This made Yankovic depressed, so he started eating fast food with his wife.  While trapped in the drive-thru waiting on his chicken sandwich, he had this epiphany where he would be the world's greatest parody musician.  So he drove from Albuquerque to LA, taking a long route that included a stop to the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota, as his kids really wanted to see that.  Once he got to LA, he performed his first of many hits, My Bologna, to some executives who liked it enough to offer him a record contract.  Despite all of his fame, he still has not managed to follow Rob of the Sky on Twitter, which is the greatest injustice facing the world today.  #weirdalshouldfollowrobofthesky

     Well, those were the samples of some of the many research papers I could write for you.  If you're interested in one of my papers, email me here.  Otherwise, until next time, remember that neither Charles Dickens or Dick Balzac are porn stars.